This Is Me

With the recent outpouring of support for my new goals as well as encouraging me to go find myself again, I was recently struck by good fortune. I have started to enjoy this week more and more not because of anyone but because I feel so productive and actually feel like I am starting to feel accomplished. I have great friends like Jane and Mikey and the Fab 5 who really believe in me and in what I do. Thank you also to the support system that have consistently reminded me that I will be able to stand on my own two feet soon.

In lieu of this, I have decided to ditch my old cologne. It reminded me so much of her and our happy times together and you know how powerful a scent reminds us of everything. If you’ve ever gotten a whiff of something and remembered everything associated with that smell, well imagine having that same experience only it hurts every time. Which brings me to why I do not like D&G Light Blue anymore. (Not that I don’t like the smell, but I love that scent so much but the memories associated with it are just too painful to really tolerate. Funny that my mom used to like it too, but it has gone untouched in weeks now and maybe I’ll just get rid of it altogether.)

As I’ve recently been more focused at work, the amount of success now is growing more rapidly. I will be able to buy the 40″ lcd tv sooner than anticipated as well as a new body. (Looking forward to holding a d300 soon enough.) All this extra money was set aside for “our future” but well, we all know she threw that away and burned bridges doing so. Looking to get an 85mm 1.8 as well once I do acquire the 2 lightstands, 2 40″ shoot thrus, 2 spigots, and a couple of triggers, and well this spending spree is just getting started. I bought a new cologne. I decided enough of this crap. Stop fooling myself that what she tells you is true and that “she cares for you” is just another one of her lies as well as using you to be able to get away from her parents because they trust me is just another one of her tactics. Even as friends she can’t tell you the truth then its not really a good friendship nor is she a good friend.

So Goodbye Polo Sport. I used to love how you smell. I used to love how you made me smell. But now I can’t stand you. Its not because you are a bad scent, like I said I used to love you. But rather, I hate the memories attached to you. Time to really move on.

I love this new smell. Makes me feel all grown-up and ready to move on. To my readers, Thank you for still coming back to my blog. I know I may not be the best person who writes as fluently as some of the bloggers out there. Nor is my life as interesting as some of our more famous bloggers. But I can promise you this, I will continue to write, to share with you, the adventures that come my way. I will share with you if and when I fall in love again, if and when someone breaks my heart once more, and I will write with all honesty, without holding anything back. I will pour my heart as well as my soul into this blog because I realized this blog holds who I am. At the end of my days, I look back and wonder how I got there, I can read. Read what I wrote, along with it the feelings and emotions of a semi-yuppie as he tries to figure out this thing called life and love. Thank you again dear readers. I may not have a lot, but the very few who do read this I want you to feel like you know me. This blog is me. This is Carlos’ Blag.

*Edit: And because I totally forgot about Embs, she deserves a special mention right here! Quick trivia about Embs, back in 1st year college I was late for a Math 20 exam. I was standing at the V.Mapa station of the LRT when they announced that the train wouldn’t be arriving today. Diligently wearing my Ateneo ID, this chinese girl approaches me and asks me if I was going to Ateneo. I thought she was going to share a cab with me. Apparently, she had a driver pick her up and she gave me a lift to campus. Super nice gesture! She didn’t have to. But she did anyway. We ran into each other again when I was 3rd year when she was apparently in the same org I joined! Embs you are awesome! I really do wish you and Vin all the happiness in the world! Its true that sometimes good deeds go unnoticed, but its also true that sometimes the simplest ones can change someone’s life. You changed mine right then.